I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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