He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
