i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
