Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I came so hard my ears popped.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
