so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Randomize
