i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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