textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
