Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
