If i come over, it means nothing
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
