Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Randomize
