i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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