It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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