YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
