Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
