Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
