i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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