There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
