omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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