I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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