at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
