just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
