what if every blade of grass was a penis?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Alive.
So much puke
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
