i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
