There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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