Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
