She went from zero to smokin in five shots
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
