the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
