did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
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