The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
