Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
