So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
