It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
