so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
