You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
