there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
