bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
