She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
