and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
