I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
