I can tuck mytits in my pants
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
