Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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