I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
she told me i tasted like america
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
