I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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