remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
