I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
