I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
