careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
