I look better un-naked...
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
