Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
only you would photoshop your dick
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
