i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
