just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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